Coffee Break

Okay, okay, all who know me know I don't like OR drink coffee. But this is Round 2 of the cafes Saturday night for me. This super cool guy I work with works at cafe Mestizo (spelled wrong?) It's sweet! In a way probably only I understand, it's a mix between a New Orleans and European/French/Italian feel. It's sweet! And so amazing... there was this wine tasting going on in the side room whilst I was there, very urban, though I refused, politely or less, to participate...it was still cool.

That was earlier. Then I went home, thinking I'd chill with my new loot from Barnes and Noble (ooh, I got some goods! Including Steinbach's second book! - Tammy, I'll let you know if it's as good as the first :) but I got this itchiness instead, maybe it was that mocha chocolate something I sampled and hated at Mestizo (it was well made, just not my thing...)

Anyway, I got this sudden spring to my inner self and took off on my retro dinosaur (since my other bike is at the library still) and raced over to Baxters (the new location on weekends for Joes - some of my old friends are here) to try out my new poems... yeah, I wrote some new poems, though they're graphic and vile and dark and weird. But I'm reading them tonight for thrills and kicks. It's fun to see some old faces, and new... cool.

mmm and sweet music even... a couple guys are playing, guitar and harmonica... I really dig cafes! Venom, you'd Love this! Next time you're down we'll come here, seriously!

Other cool things I've done the past few days... Thursday I went Night Climbing for the very first time!! Climbing in the complete dark with only a head light for vision! Such a Trip!! Crazy! And some of my best climbing too! It was nuts! I'd reach for a hold and there'd be a giant ant right by my fingers, or a couple of worms circling each other. No kidding. A thousand fears to conquer all at once! I journaled for pages about it tonight at Mestizos.

How about the creepy looking erosion-protecting mesh which looks eroded itself, suggesting rotting corpses lie beneath, with eerie white partial hand prints practically glowing on the wall, and thoughts of zombies creeping along the edges of the darkness...nevermind the usual fear of height, falling, dark...yes, I'm still terrified of the dark. And nevermind the person at the top who I can't see anymore who's not answering my calls, and the dark closing in and the ...are there zombies? Is the mesh going to rise up, revealing bodies like those at the Bodyworld exhibit by library square...I think I'm glad I hadn't checked that out yet...

Though it is close enough to Halloween...

Night Climbing. A truly trippy experience.

But then, aside from all the fears and paranoia there's the thrill of making it to the top without falling, of sitting on the ledge looking over at the cliffs across the way, watching the glowing clouds above those cliffs, seeing Casiopia and Orion in a whole new way, up close almost.

And the thrill of climbing, the fear, does it compare with the similar feelings I get when I read my stuff in public? Why do I do this, come to these places, read my cruddy, amateur stuff... it's not all bad, I just perform as well as I climb, which, for the few that have ever seen me climb understand the comparison. I am not a performer of writing...a poet worthy of 'slam'... I just write prose and articles.

But maybe for once it's okay for me not to be perfect at something, to be okay with not being good at performing and just be happy with my own small personal thrills I get from it.

I'll save my need for perfection for climbing...like writing, that I want, have to, must be good at...
maybe, someday...

And it's always worth listening to everyone else read. Why not participate, but appreciate others more, worry less about own flaws, enjoy the positive energy.

This week, be sure, enjoy the positive energy.

weekend Burnout, more like...

It hit me today just how much I wasn't home this weekend. You know that phrase? Something like 'work hard, play hard', or how about 'work hard, play harder'... maybe it's a philosophy which varies depending on personality! Ooh! So which one do you do? Work hard, play harder, or play hard, work harder? now the word hard looks funny...you know, like when you overuse a word and it seems to turn all rubbery...

Anyway... the point is, I'm exhausted. Last weekend I had a good reason to not be home at all (the writing conference) this weekend? More by choice... a little. I hung out with my friend from out of town the first day and a half of the weekend, worked, and was out around town the second day and a half. Sunday, among other things, I climbed the wall again. Strenuous, intense, fun and frustrating all at the same time...

I'm determined to climb better...I'm not very good still. The place I climb at is only open on weekends...that's no good. I'm going to find somewhere else for the week...mix things up a bit. I hear there's a climbing gym right by my house! How's that for serendipitous... or whatever ya wanna call it...

I'm at work right now... I've been trying not to fall asleep all day, in class, at work... seeing as how I haven't slept in since I don't remember when and 2am is my usual bedtime... I might just go to bed early tonight! What would that be like? Before 10:30? Wow... we'll see... if I start working on my novel when I get home I know I'll go right to sleep... not. a. good. sign.

My goal? To get up at 7 instead of 8...or maybe make 6:30 - 7:30 my time to write in the mornings. This writing whenever thing is getting me nowhere - ya think! :) I know, I know... all the 'real' writers set aside blocks of time, even if it's only used by staring at the wall behind them, picturing the story play out...

Speaking of stories... My mom is actually reading a book I recommended to her. She's so picky and usually doesn't like anything I like, so it's a little surprising to me. It's that one I told Tammy about, Without Reservations. Mom's already started it and says she Loves it! She'll probably have it done by tomorrow seeing as how she's at my place right now watching the kids (who should be sleeping, so reading's perfect) whilst I'm at work.

... half an hour, just half an hour more...